just checking in

I can't believe this site is still active, after nearly four years!

*looks around*

Anybody home?

Not much has changed, anyway...A few entries ago, I was reading Clan of the Cave Bear. Now I'm on the fourth book in the series. I think there's a point where time really does stand still, or at least settle like silt in a pond. le sigh.

I've had it. Too much down time. Too little ability to log in. Too much bullshit....I've got a new page (yeah, did you think a blogwhore like me would be gone for long?).

For other stuff, go here.

So long, Xanga, and thanks for...you know it.

No young faces grow sad and old and
hearts of fire grow cold, we swore blood
brothers against the wind. I'm ready to
grow young again and hear your sister's
voice calling us home across the open
yards well maybe we could cut
someplace of our own with these drums
and these guitars  --Bruce Springsteen

My sister's voice calling me home and I don't have a voice of my own. No place, nothing anchoring me here and nothing to go home to, fuck this is such a hard decision.

KW Pros: friends. Support network. Answering service job. Nice apartment of my own, for the first time. Educational opportunities. Karaoke. The show.

KW Cons: Expensive. Crappy job situation. Embarrassment and burnt bridges all over the place. Can't afford to pay the rent or go back to school.

Sarnia Pros: A call centre that will hire anyone. Family. Couches to crash on if I fail utterly. A safety net I don't have here, because family has to take you back.

Sarnia Cons: I left there because I hate the place and everything about it. Admission of failure. Misery. Family tensions and bullshit. The guilt of being needed. Too much past and no future.

I keep asking myself what do I really want to do? And not a single option looks at all appealing. It used to be I had too many choices and stayed treading water because I couldn't decide. Now those choices are all drying up and I can't choose because I don't want to make the wrong choices again. Yet anything I do choose will be all wrong anyway, so it's just a big fuckin' mess....

THIS IS FUCKIN' GREAT!!!

And it only took a Canadian, who got banned from eBay, to put it all together....

I'm so nationalistic it hurts.

Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamps
Sample a look back you look and find
Nothing but rednecks for 400 years if you check
Don't worry be happy
Was a number one jam
Damn if I say it you can slap me right here
(Get it) lets get this party started right
Right on, c'mon
What we got to say
Power to the people no delay
To make everybody see
In order to fight the powers that be

Wheee! Nothin' like some rap at 9 in the morning...I don't really listen to Public Enemy. Barenaked Ladies did it SO much better...

So, for some unknown reason, I woke up at 7am. You'd think I'd be able to sleep in, given that I have nothing to do and nowhere to be all day, and the days just yawn in front of me....But no, I got up early and actually had something to eat. I kind of regret that, but Tuesday night was the last time I ate. I think at this point, the idea of eating is so much more appealing than the actual act, but whatever. And I finally finished Clan of the Cave Bear. I was surprised at how good it was. There are four more to read, now.